Quiet

The things that go unspoken

Are the things that hurt the most

The silence bitter in my mouth

The unshed tears choking me

Lungs on fire from holding it in

Lead weight in my chest

Heavy handed on my soul

I want to tell you everything

Explain my imperfections

Detail all of my scars for you

And maybe you’ll understand

Or maybe you’ll reject me

And I’ll lose what little I have left

Because what would someone like you

Want with someone like me

Why would you weather this storm

When you know how broken I am

I can’t be anything else

So I’ll put on a smile, wave to the crowd

Dance in this three ring circus

And bury down all of my woes

I’ll be your ray of moonlight

Hiding in the shadows

Basking in the few rays of your warm sunglow

That’s all I have left, and all I can do

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Confusion

Now I’m clouded in confusion

Cause I wasn’t supposed to feel

It hit me like a ton of bricks

Goddamn this can’t be real

It was supposed to be so simple

My fool-proof little plan

Simple pleasures, no attachment,

Friends with a good man

I can’t afford to feel this

I’ve got too much going on

Things got so complicated

That he needed to move on

I thought it would be easy

To let go of that part

I didn’t even realize

He took part of my heart

He probably doesn’t want it

It’s messy, broken too

I’m not enough for anyone

But too damn much for you

Almost

We almost knew what it was

But almost is never enough

Danced close enough to get burned

But not to feel the rapture

A teasing taste of what it could be

But not enough to sate the hunger

A few stolen moments of bliss

Just enough to be a constant reminder

Fulfilling each other in new ways

Yet forever left wanting more

We were syncopated, unexpected, and good

But the rhythm faltered and never recovered

Don’t read this…. it’s trash

I’m going to be self-loathing for a moment

A pity party if you will

Why am I never enough

Why can’t I make anyone happy

What is so wrong with me

What is it about me that doesn’t fulfill anyone

Why am I so easy to stray from

Why am I so easy to leave

Why am I so easy to forget

Why am I so easy to take advantage of

Am I not pretty enough

Am I not smart enough

Am I not exciting enough

Am I not wild enough

Am I not tamed enough

I just want to be enough for someone

And these holes that you ripped in my heart

Make me not even feel good enough for me

The Void

It whispers to me…. You’re never enough

I scream into the void…. I try so hard

It whispers to me…. You’ll never be pretty

I scream into the void…. My soul is beautiful

It whispers to me…. You’re a monster

I scream into the void…. I’m trying to do the right thing

It whispers to me…. Just give up

I scream into the void…. I have too much to live for

It whispers to me…. Your soul is broken

I scream into the void…. I can mend the pain

It whispers to me…. Don’t get too close

I scream into the void…. I need them

It whispers to me…. They’ll see the ugliness in you

I scream into the void…. I’ll love them with everything I have

It whispers to me…. Just end the charade

I scream into the void…. I can’t give up now

It whispers to me…. They are better without you

I scream into the void…. I just want to love

It whispers to me…. You’re always alone

I scream into the void…. I don’t have to be

It whispers to me…. Join me in the shadows

I scream into the void…. That’s how I lose everything

It whispers to me…. That’s where you belong

I scream into the void…. I can’t ever go back there

It whispers to me…. How many more times must you cry alone

I scream into the void…. As many as it takes

It whispers to me…. You will give up

I whimper into the void…. I haven’t…. yet

Damaged

Unshed tears burn behind my eyes

A lead weight settles in my chest

Drowning in sorrow and despair

Logic tries to take over and explain

Everything is going to be ok

But my broken heart and damaged soul

They can’t keep up with the pain

They are reeling from years of abuse

They are whispering to me that I’m no good

I’m not pretty enough, not good enough

I’m not even enough to be sometimes

I’m a whirlwind, I hurt everyone I touch

My love is a virus, it infects and sours

Even knowing what’s for the best

Even knowing that it’s the right call

I can’t help but feel more broken

The damage and scars from the years

Ripping and tearing into my heart

Telling me I’ll never be good enough

We were never meant to be more

And I still haven’t lost my friend

I still care with everything I have

I know you’re right about everything

But goddamn it still hurts

But I’d rather cry all alone

Than to burden you with this

You’ve already hurt too much for me

Let Her Go

When she is pushed to her wits end

When she has finally had enough

When she can no longer take the dismissal

The denial

The lies

The resentment

LET HER GO

This is not the time to fight to keep her

You gave up that chance

She gave you the best years of her life

While you gave yourself to anyone but her

She gave you too many chances that cost her too much

So let her go, learn the lessons, be a better man

But do not try to cage her, she deserves better

She deserves the freedom to feel again

If you really care and want to make it right

Let her go